hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
