i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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