I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hippo gnu deer
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
