Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
