Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
