pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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