At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
