what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Randomize
