what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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