how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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