and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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