okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
