I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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