Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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