I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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