the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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