nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
