what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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