I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
