I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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