Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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