He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
