Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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