haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she looked like the before picture.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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