Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
