So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
