I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
