you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
