I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
