Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
