dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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