paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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