He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
