Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
