Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
