Do you still have your period?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I can text with my tongue
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
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Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize