I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
we're so committed to being not committed
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
