i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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