my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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