forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
