dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
