I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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