Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
