in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
