one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
