hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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