peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
