Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
