all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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