At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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