just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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