hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
