saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
4 words: hood of his car
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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