Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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