he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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