There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
