Sacagawea was the original milf.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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