but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
