Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
