i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
