I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
How naked do you want me to be?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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