How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
