The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
