You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
