Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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