forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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