I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
