Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have demons in me.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
