If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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