i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
