absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I fill condoms, not promises.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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