ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
