He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
