Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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