I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I want a musical about memes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
