Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
