hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
