a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
did you just send me my own nude
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize